GO AWAY.
DON'T COME SCOLDING ME FOR WHAT I WRITE.
CAUSE I'VE WARNED YOU ALREADY.
GO AWAY.
U WON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE.
Always felt I was outside looking in on you
You were always the mysterious one with dark eyes and careless hair
You were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care
Then you stood in my doorway, with nothing to say
Besides some comment on the weather
Well in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see
This is my heart bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees
These foolish games are tearing me apart
Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart
You're breaking my heart
Somewhere along the line I must've gone off track with you
Excuse me, think I've mistaken you for somebody else
Somebody who gave a damn, somebody more like myself
These foolish games are tearing me apart
You're tearing me, tearing me, tearing me apart
im sick of the unhappiness.
sick of everything that's been happening.
sick of telling myself it's gonna be good. it's gonna be ok.
the whole rainbow thing?
forget it already.
stop being optimistic.
it's time u let reality sink in, stupid girl.
your choice?- you made it.
i can't bear to make mine.
damn it when they say let it go.
i can't.
but what if letting go is the only way to finding my happiness back?
then must i let go?
should i?
what if my happiness lies in ur hands?
it's killing me.
all these thoughts about you that i've been trying to push into the back of my mind.
i'm tired.
why can't we be happy like last time?
why can't we just make everything ok again?
it sucks waking up to that feeling of emptiness inside.
so tired of pretending in front of people.
so tired of pretending i'm ok when i see you.
doesn't matter that you walked away.
you can't hear a heart breaking.
doesn't matter that i spent the day smiling away, without you.
having fun with my buddies, shu and lau.
it just makes me wonder why i torture myself so.
i'm happy when i'm with them.
truly.
(i'm sure u feel happier with ur buddies too)
i know you're happy and all in school.
it's just me isn't it?
always the one who spoils your day.
with the things i do.
the words i say.
weapons, you call them.
damn. so i'm perfectly alright?
so i don't hurt?
it's when im alone.. that everything sinks in.
and i face the shitty truth again.
so why are we holding on, and making ourselves miserable?
when there's an option to happiness right in front of us.
maybe i'm just stubborn.
i don't want to give up.
maybe u are too.
if the reason was stubborness and not love,
why hold on then?
thinking of letting go makes me cry.
so i never thought of it.
until today.
when you're not there with me.
when i realised perhaps you don't love me.
if this is the way it's gonna be even before we get together,
what about the future?
fuck.i'm crying.
doesn't matter.
i still can't make a decision.
screw love and feelings and my thoughts about you.
this entry is written to remind myself never to fall in again.
the scars are there to remind me.
but i ignored them.
and now as i write this,
i tell myself it's you or no other guy.
i'm never gonna trust another again, im sure of that.
so if you're gonna be the one who breaks my heart bad,
do it fast.
i won't hate you.
because i no longer make you smile.
