20 october.
a month to your birthday.
i'm sorry for breaking down in front of the people who cared so much about me. i'm sorry for not being as strong as you all wanted me to be. i'm sorry. thank you all, for doing so much. my really sweet classmates, helen han... i love you all. thanks for being there for me. xin&ling&rae, thanks for providing me with hugs, comfort, advice, tissues... and love. sorry ling, for making you cry along with me. i think i must have spreaded the sadness disease to everyone. sorry rae too, and char. i couldn't comfort you two cause i couldn't even deal with my own emotions. han, i really don't know how to thank you. for walking back to school to find me, for going to swensens with me and treating me to icecream, for going to kbox with me so we can sing all the silly emo songs and throw peanuts at each other, for being there silently while i sobbed, for taking my mind off the unhappy stuff. i love you hairybaby. qixin dear, thank you for the email and for being by my side when i broke down. i'm walking your path... i guess u wouldn't have to walk alone anymore. that's a good thing yah? =)
i apologise, for being so weak. i know there's a million people out there who have problems bigger than mine, but here i am crying my heart out. i hate myself for breaking the record of a person crying the most number of times in school today. it seems like everyone is sad for some reason. but all the very self-absorbed me could think about was my problem. i'm so weak. it's damn humiliating lah. the lecturers must think i'm crazy or stupid. and of course i didn't pay attention in class. time passed by so damn slowly. torturous shit. esp socpsych. too much psychological noise in my head. dont know what the hell i was doing. just thinking and thinking. and reading lyrics. guess what? i realised that people, or maybe me only, are self indulgent. I know a sad song will make me even sadder, and yet i still listen to it. i know some photographs will make me cry, and yet i still look at them. stupid indeed.
kiss goodbye.
翻着我们的照片
想念若隐若现
去年的冬天
我们笑得很甜
看着你哭泣的脸
对着我说再见
来不及听见
你已走得很远
也许你已经放弃我
也许已经很难回头
我知道是自己错过
请再给我一个理由
说你不爱我
就算是我不懂
能不能原谅我
请不要把分手当作你的请求
我知道坚持要走是你受伤的藉口
请你回头
我会陪你一直走到最后
就算没有结果
我也能够承受
我知道你的痛
是我给的承诺
你说给过我纵容
沉默是因为包容
如果要走
请你记得我
如果难过
请你忘了我
