somebody stop the rain for me please? ='(
xiao qi is the sun.
holding onto nothing at all.
i need more rainbows to brighten up my life.
no way. i can't believe i started sobbing
uncontrollably when i saw his nick. 'all will be well'. i know, i'm that weak. even something as minor as his nick can affect me so much still. i don't know why i started crying again. but i'll tell you it wasn't self-indulgence. i did
not want to cry at all. i promised not to. but guess what? i saw his nick while appearing offline. and my lips started to tremble real hard. i tried biting back, i tried pushing away the feeling that was about to overwhelm me. But i couldn't. i really couldn't. I'm sorry I'm so weak. Look at that smile on my face. Does it show? Is it too fake? That's what i worry about each day. oh man. i looked at the pics i took with qixin today and i thought that my smile looks really fake. i made an effort to really smile from inside, but something's just different. the funniest thing is... (yes, it's confession time) i've been practising my smile a lot. i don't know why... but each time i look into the mirror and make myself smile, i no longer see the natural smile i saw in the past.
one day, i'll find a guy who is able to tell apart my real and fake smiles. He'll be the one who knows when I'm putting on a strong front, and the one who tells me it's alright i don't have to do that cause he has my back. He will be the one who can make me smile from inside =)
i am a lucky girl cause i'm surrounded with many wonderful friends. =) to some, it may seem like a barrier; a defence i use to protect myself. I surround myself with beautiful people, because i know they won't hurt me. they've got my back. i'm truly thankful to those who've stood by me all these while. you know who you are. and i wanna say thanks because sometimes im not able to express how grateful i am. i may seem emotionless and ungrateful at times, but that's not what i am deep inside. i know who to trust and who not to. i know who to be grateful to and if there's anything, i promise i'll be there for you the way you were there for me.
for the person who walked out of my life and left me in a mess, thank you for the valuable lesson. I still hurt but I'm not so foolish as to ask for you back again. based on what i learnt in socpysch, ignoring your email is known as disconfirmation. which means to ignore your presence and emails, so that you no longer feel significant. i'm gonna stick to my choice and even though just feeling your presence makes me wanna run back to you each time... i'll make sure i won't. i'll do whatever it takes because i have to see the big picture. i want you to heal. i want you to hurry up and get your life back on track. i want you to do all that, but still love me deep down in your heart. I know, i'm complicated. =( i want you to stop hurting, so that i can stop hurting too. no one really knows how i feel for you. i'm so irritated, putting my feelings into words. stupid stupid. ah....!!! me go study liao lah. i wasted too much time blogging. =(
IM NOT BUGGER SHORT SHORT HOR.
im bugger cute cute x)
somebody stop the rain for me please? ='(
xiao qi is the sun.
holding onto nothing at all.
i need more rainbows to brighten up my life.
