well, do you know what it feels like?
it's not that i try hard to be 'emo' as you all call it.
it's not about self-indulgent feelings.
i wish, i really wish, i could be like all of you.
normal and happy.

i wish i didn't ponder so much.
calculated actions;
torn between doing things for the good of others
and myself.

i wish i was a little more selfish
a little more like you.
a little less regard for others would do me well, i believe.
but i'm sorry. i don't learn well.

you blame me for my actions.
for my overprotective love that no one understands.
alright, i'll take the blame.

no one really understands, anyway.

i just wonder if i was alittle more selfish,
would i be happier?
would the people i love be happier?

it's getting so hard.
giving and being the best i can
only to be doubted and called names;
and then pushed away.

but at least i can say,
i do what's best for you. not for me.
what you can't see, i can.
and that's why i try so hard to protect you from the pain.

i wish i could say you're wrong.
that it's not like this at all.
but then, what's the point?
you won't understand.

if only you saw what i saw.

you know i'll be here to bolster your fall.
i've been here all along.
but it hurts being taken for granted.
and worse, being deemed the 'bad guy'.
im hurt and angry,
yet i find it so much harder to explain my intentions.

it's okay. i'm gonna be fine.
and please, i'm just clearing my head.
i would really appreciate not being judged by anyone at this time.
thanks. (:

well i guess it's not bad to be selfish, at times.
i just need to learn a lesson. =)

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out
what I’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
Well I cleaned this slate
With the hands Of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done
I’ll face myself
To cross out what I’ve become

Erase myself
And let go of what I’ve done
For what I’ve done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends

I’m forgiving what I’ve done