the feeling of having something, and then losing it sucks.
it makes me wonder, if it's better to never have had it in the first place, then to have to lose it and feel miserable.

earlier on in the day, it occurred to me that mingzhang has stopped smsing me to tell me the dance timing for some time already. sheesh. :(
and so i was trying to do stretches just now, because i haven't gone for dance in ages.

it was bad.

it hurt alot. and i think that if i still want to be able to do splits, or just go back to where i was in the past, it'll be even harder than before.

sometimes i wish i didn't get to where i was then. what used to be a triumphant feeling is merely disappointment now. i remember having a toned tummy, and arms. i remember being able to do crazy things with my lovely wuxiaobaos; all the splits, arches, and handstands.

i remember all that i had, and i guess it just made me feel really disappointed with myself because i've lost all that already.

i miss dance.
and performing.
i miss the muscle aches that come after dance practice.
i miss that feeling.

no, i'm not upset. i just feel... nostalgic.
oh wells.
the bp days were good memories :)

and i think i might just find the resolve to hit the gym and do them stretches, if i keep reading this to remind myself of what it all used to be. i think.

but for now, i'm just binge-ing on a stack of ham. because somehow, i got hungry again.

goodnight you people. i want to eat meat. :D